Saturday, January 1, 2011

Biting and Scratching

Happy New Year!

Even though New Year's and I get along like this:

Get too close, New Year's, and I won't be paying the medical bills.

So! Yes! We shall enter this newest of years biting and scratching! In honor of said bites and scraches there shall be resolutions!

1. Reduce coffee intake. Your excessive caffeine vibrations are damaging the furniture.

2. Finish editing WIP. At least to the point where some paid professional has further advice.

3. Finish revising sequel. Which is better than the original, so it would be a terrible shame if no one decides to publish said original.

4. Finish revising Lit novel. Okay, I'm already getting tired.

5. Rewrite other Lit novel. Keep awesome parts. Add more awesome parts. Cut the shitty parts, particularly the ones that don't make any sense. Keep cool chapter titles. Ignore growing weariness and fatigue. Up vitamin intake. Perhaps start disregarding resolution number 1.

6. Write new novel. Oh the glory! I like writing first drafts of novels. One must be done this year. Or... piranhas will eat my head. *piranhas must pay for all travel costs and accomodations and arrive on their own convenience and the writer of this blog will hold no responsibility for failure of said piranhas to arrive and eat his head in a timely manner upon failure of meeting the demands of resolution number 6

7. Occasionally get off chair and run, so as to prevent complete atrophy of all major muscle groups outside the fingers. Do Terry Fox run in autumn. Lie to self and pretend that self will one day run a marathon.

7. Do not ignore children for too long. Check for spores, molds and fungi at regular intervals.

8. Read more fantasy this year. The time has come. The prophecy foretells the coming of a voracious reader in old sweat pants...

9. Read more crime novels. Dead people are strangely soothing. Go figure.

10. Keep writing flash fiction as an attempt at stopping uncontrollable wordiness. Try to actually meet own flash fiction standards of length as posted. Let yourself drink one (1) coffee every time this is accomplished. Bunches of one-word "stories" whose sole meaning of existence is to garner mugs of coffee shall be disqualified.

Let us now sound the trumpets, bare our claws, and meet the new year head on. Hamstringing it from behind is also acceptable behaviour, so my cats tell me. Go forth. But multiply, you know, only if you want to.


Unknown said...

Your resolutions are strangely close to my own, except for the bit about reading more fantasy, see comment on your recent post about fantasy.

I also love writing first drafts. But DO NOT LIKE editing my own work. And need to rewrite my Lit novel.

And not ignore my long-suffering family, as I am doing RIGHT NOW.

Hiss, meow, scratch, have at you New Year!

Susan Kaye Quinn said...

You really need to just throw #1 out right away. No use wasting time there. :)

Lofty goals, sir. And I'm sure you can meet all of them.

My goals: write more, write better, keep running on the publishing-hamster-wheel. I have a shiny new idea that is calling my name, but I'm determined to exert what paltry discipline I have and finish my WiP's first.

If your cats want a throw-down, let me know. Mine are always up for a battle. :)

Happy New Year!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Number three gave me a chuckle. Guess that's why I waited to begin the sequel until after the first book's acceptance. That and I never dreamed I'd have to come up with a second book!

The Novel Road said...

Great list... I advise editing it for a while and a beta reader before commiting to it.

Your list makes no mention of Mulligans? All my list provide for liberal use of Cop-outicus Mulliganis. :-)

M.A. Leslie said...

I think that I would go into shock if I reduced coffee intake. But if you can do it then go for it.

Best of luck with your adventure and new year.

Steve Abernathy said...

Try adding brandy to your coffee; you won't drink as much, and you'll feel great!

Nate Wilson said...

I recognize it's a minor faux pas to comment on a post after five days have passed and the author has already posted two newer ones, but I wanted to say this is easily one of the most entertaining New Year's lists I've seen. The writing goals are of course good, but I especially like 6, the second #7, and 8.

As for me, I don't make resolutions; I make decrees. As in: I decree I will finally finish the novel I started over 4 years ago. For real this time.

Best of luck with yours!