Thursday, September 17, 2009

Oh, Shit is a Low Blow Even For You, City of Windsor

Okay, the City of Windsor just had a waste truck outside my store. A waste truck pumping (or dispersing?) shit. Through a big tube. A big leaky tube. And to prevent this from getting all over the sidewalk (the brand new sidewalk) the City of Windsor worker used a giant wooden board to deflect most of the shit. And then he left the giant wooden plank in the middle of the sidewalk. Covered in shit. And then he drove off. With the board still on the sidewalk. Did I mention it was covered in shit? Yes, shit.

That is a low blow, a dictionary definition case.

So... Inklings Bookshop is now officially at war with the City of Windsor. It will be a short war. Since, well, I'm closing. But also because I'm going to win! Ha ha! Once the City of Windsor fully subsumes the downtown core beneath the Detroit River I'm going to rally the mer-people and revolt. The City of Windsor won't be laughing so smugly with large tridents sticking out of their chests. "How's that for a public service!" ZHAM! (Notice the wonderful sound effects. I bet you didn't know giant tridents made that sound, but they do.) ZHAM! (See?)

13 comments:

TLH said...

Oh, man this post cracked me up. That is too funny. I fully support your War on Windsor!

*walks off, still laughing*

~Tara

Bane of Anubis said...

Dude, are you seriously closing? If so, I'm sorry to hear it -- talk about sprinkling salt on the burn.

L. T. Host said...

Seriously? Seriously, seriously?

Do they *have* to leave you poo-smeared boards as a thank you for your taxes?

Oi. Personally, I'd put on a haz-mat suit and deliver it to the mayor's office.

Ink said...

Bane,

Sad, but true. Closing sale is flying, though. Everything for a dollar! Who wouldn't like that?

I'm sure the timing is just right for setting me up in my next career, though. You know, world famous and best-selling author. It's all part of the plan. Whose plan, I'm not entirely sure of...

Ink said...

Maybe I'll wear a hazmat suit during the mer-people revolt. Actually, recruiting for a War on Windsor would not be too difficult around here these days...

Bane of Anubis said...

Bummer -- does this mean you're leaving Windsor -- or do you already have something else lined up as the grand plan gets a head of steam?

Ink said...

Staying in Windsor, as we own a house here and my wife's family is here (and mine's not too far away). At least the plan is to stay here. I shall have my eye out for jobs. McDonald's beware...

Strange Fiction said...

So sorry to hear about your store--how shitty is that?!

Mira said...

I'm very sorry, too, to hear about your store. You and books belong together.

I know that you and books won't be separated long, though. Such a great partnership can not be derailed!

Can I also just say that the City of Windsor has TERRIBLE karma. It will undoubtedly be re-born as a sewage plant. That will show it.

Ink said...

I have the sneaking suspicion that it already is a sewage plant...

Mira said...

Lol.

I see your point.

Etiquette Bitch said...

Ink: oh my, I'm sorry you're closing. :(

Can I just tell you, I love your avatar with Snoopy? ("the")

Ink said...

Thanks, EB!

There's even a poignant personal reason for that icon (along with the obvious coolness of it). My father, who passed away a few years ago, used to cut out all the snoopy writing cartoons from the paper and send them to me when I was away at school getting a couple degrees in creative writing. Which was pretty cool, particularly as snoopy is the ultimate struggling writer.