tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post6796188007660463849..comments2024-03-18T06:27:34.815-04:00Comments on The Alchemy of Writing: The World in Miniature: The Deafening SilenceBryan Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09555071335245492790noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-45172493679709768082011-10-25T20:06:41.530-04:002011-10-25T20:06:41.530-04:00i scrolled all the way down through all the commen...i scrolled all the way down through all the comments to say how fabulous i thought this was. very haunting.Molly Springhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13199373833707489663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-68781278918188846272010-11-02T22:57:31.896-04:002010-11-02T22:57:31.896-04:00Rich in texture; highly descriptive, and i felt i ...Rich in texture; highly descriptive, and i felt i wanted to get out of that room, which is a good thing; i was hooked in by the first paragraph.<br /><br />my only critique for this piece is that old idiom of 'show don't tell' <br /><br />for example "I'd never seen a dead man yawn before and it shook me to a place that I could not comprehend." i would have liked to have read more about this place... maybe it triggers a random memory in the narrator...<br /><br />but you nailed it here with this sentence- <br />"We choked and grimaced and coughed and clenched our fists and anuses" - this is a great way of showing; excellent line.<br /><br />You certainly have a strong narrative voice and wildly emotive characterizations. <br /><br />Nicely done, <br />ok, now i'll read the second one you sent...<br />ValValhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00791933828775895878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-3754249767527124852010-09-10T09:50:26.347-04:002010-09-10T09:50:26.347-04:00Wow, that is pretty incredible. I love the way you...Wow, that is pretty incredible. I love the way you use simple factual detail to contrast with what is going on. Wonderful stuff.Simon Kewinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11537163555998763769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-70037733745201060492010-08-30T15:36:05.042-04:002010-08-30T15:36:05.042-04:00So so so powerful!! Such nice imagery, I reread ce...So so so powerful!! Such nice imagery, I reread certain lines in sheer awe. Fave line "adulterating the sense of heightened emotion, of rank and stinking fear." And then the whole paragraph about the yawn, as if impending death were boring him....Loved it!! Makes me want to go write a poem it's so damn good :)angelarenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13639436719051155045noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-86962470936056725572010-08-26T11:37:32.850-04:002010-08-26T11:37:32.850-04:00wow. no words.
So great--the feet, the cracks, th...wow. no words.<br /><br />So great--the feet, the cracks, the pressure in the room. Watching the closed eyes blink.<br /><br />nicely done~LTMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05239077455322030275noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-58655802040531740992010-05-23T19:17:05.461-04:002010-05-23T19:17:05.461-04:00What a moving tribute to death and the dying. You ...What a moving tribute to death and the dying. You painted a lovely picture of the machinery's part in keeping him alive and, while the commentary is impersonal, it is personally haunting. It's apparent at the end that this man was loved and will be missed.<br /><br />Thanks, Matthew.<br /><br />~That Rebel, OliviaOlivia J. Herrell, writing as O.J. Barréhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01107021392937169669noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-39041722992933854802010-05-23T17:25:16.291-04:002010-05-23T17:25:16.291-04:00I love the way you describe the cracks in his feet...I love the way you describe the cracks in his feet, the toenails...a wasted body covered for our comfort, not his.<br /><br />This was a powerful piece. Thanks for sharing.Raquel Byrneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12870113745683162915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-70586972779152336032010-05-22T02:15:53.542-04:002010-05-22T02:15:53.542-04:00Really great imagry, Matthew. Bravo. Have you thou...Really great imagry, Matthew. Bravo. Have you thought of going to the Logline Blogfest?<br /><br />http://timeguardiansaga.com/blog/?p=772<br /><br />I would like to see what your loglines would look like, RolandRoland D. Yeomanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00338410857990551352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-89520899696555396452010-05-21T06:22:13.266-04:002010-05-21T06:22:13.266-04:00Thanks very much everyone, but especially Bryan. T...Thanks very much everyone, but especially Bryan. This was a great experience.Matthew MacNishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03264738483763244969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-78195084035270235922010-05-20T19:48:23.891-04:002010-05-20T19:48:23.891-04:00Very moving.
Good stuff, Matthew. Really really l...Very moving.<br /><br />Good stuff, Matthew. Really really liked it :)Just Wendy https://www.blogger.com/profile/05268645629027109282noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-73976641474682550042010-05-20T19:02:23.318-04:002010-05-20T19:02:23.318-04:00Thanks, Susan. I've been thinking it was time ...Thanks, Susan. I've been thinking it was time to spruce the place up a little. A bit of alchemical colouring...Bryan Russellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09555071335245492790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-33975068958857308432010-05-20T18:17:08.491-04:002010-05-20T18:17:08.491-04:00Hi
This is very poignant and very sad. I love you...Hi <br />This is very poignant and very sad. I love your opening paragraph - it drew me in and the shock of the image of his feet and toenails really clinched this for me.<br /><br />Lovely. Thanks for the read.<br /><br />take care<br />xOld Kittyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13185547869183611159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-20547736848217140782010-05-20T17:03:39.167-04:002010-05-20T17:03:39.167-04:00BTW, Ink, I really like your next pictures/look! :...BTW, Ink, I really like your next pictures/look! :)Susan Kaye Quinnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07348197999397141067noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-76336070585397582132010-05-20T14:48:36.875-04:002010-05-20T14:48:36.875-04:00Oh, I posted before I meant to.
I just wanted to ...Oh, I posted before I meant to.<br /><br />I just wanted to add: beautifully done, Matthew.<br /><br />I'm really glad you shared your writing.Mirahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02558405035294107657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-30404345740425367642010-05-20T14:46:59.322-04:002010-05-20T14:46:59.322-04:00"I've never seen a dead man yawn before.&..."I've never seen a dead man yawn before."<br /><br />That is such a good line.<br /><br />This whole piece is really, really good. Excellent imagery. The pharaoh, the feet. The whole intense conflict of emotions is beautifully done. You left me with the whole range of those feelings - deeply sad, angry, digusted, relieved, disturbed.<br /><br />The absence of the softer feeling - compassion - all in and of itself - brought me right into the world of the PC and his sense of betrayal.Mirahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02558405035294107657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-50428759462040171852010-05-20T14:00:52.409-04:002010-05-20T14:00:52.409-04:00Very evocative and disturbing in the best sense - ...Very evocative and disturbing in the best sense - that it moves you from where you were to a new place. Very nicely done, Matthew.<br /><br />I was left feeling a bit hollow, as though our narrator isn't quite sure what he thinks about this grisly, self-neglected death. It leaves room for the reader to interpret, and I like that. :)Susan Kaye Quinnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07348197999397141067noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-16563988203713997052010-05-20T13:45:23.078-04:002010-05-20T13:45:23.078-04:00)= Wonk. Got me. Hear me deflate into sadness.
My ...)= Wonk. Got me. Hear me deflate into sadness.<br />My grandfather was an alcoholic. Beloved bastard.Jo Schafferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11514820971898568397noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-20543418517818354762010-05-20T12:51:24.746-04:002010-05-20T12:51:24.746-04:00The imagery of this piece was outstanding. Your d...The imagery of this piece was outstanding. Your descriptions held me spellbound. Well done.<br /><br />I was left with several questions about the characters. I wondered who the POV was. The first person narrator referred several times to "we/us," and s/he seemed emotionally affected by the death even though s/he called him "the man" instead of by a name.<br /><br />The absence of proper names shed no light on what was happening in this scene. I wanted to know more about the victim: Was he in a hospital or some futuristic facility? What led him to abuse alcohol until he died?<br /><br />Your writing is beautiful and hypnotic. If you ever decide to expand this, it would be a pleasure to read the longer version.<br /><br />Thanks for sharing it!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01899768909313326172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-3345304696187777462010-05-20T11:28:10.136-04:002010-05-20T11:28:10.136-04:00Wow, that was very well done. So sad and beautiful...Wow, that was very well done. So sad and beautiful. Great job, Matthew!Hannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16915603693944523761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-63007937456842615992010-05-20T10:46:04.123-04:002010-05-20T10:46:04.123-04:00I liked the contrast between the imagery you used....I liked the contrast between the imagery you used. I was holding my breath wondering if the man would die. Well done! Beautiful.T.S. Bazellihttp://www.tsbazelli.com/blog/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-67527185259635533192010-05-20T10:27:28.322-04:002010-05-20T10:27:28.322-04:00That was beautifully sad. So glad I had the opport...That was beautifully sad. So glad I had the opportinity to read some of Matt's writing. Thanks. I really truly enjoyed it.<br /><br />Matt, nicely done! :)Jessica Bellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10889900730906728317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-85492113968614567282010-05-20T10:02:15.002-04:002010-05-20T10:02:15.002-04:00I am with Elana - so powerful! Love this Matthew! ...I am with Elana - so powerful! Love this Matthew! <br /><br />there are some wonderful sections in here that really had me moved!<br /><br />Great story!<br /><br /><a href="http://princesscourtneysbarr.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow">Visit My Kingdom Anytime</a>Courtney Barr - The Southern Princesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14455508477182984039noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-65476502638777627712010-05-20T09:56:43.424-04:002010-05-20T09:56:43.424-04:00Oooh, haunting. Powerful. And most of all, real. W...Oooh, haunting. Powerful. And most of all, real. Well done, friend! Well done.Elana Johnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05877856005992028912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-87703933545782493582010-05-20T09:26:03.540-04:002010-05-20T09:26:03.540-04:00I can picture him. Nicely done, Matthew.I can picture him. Nicely done, Matthew.Kelly Polarkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10968381456100611120noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5423907132654588993.post-44114943285787552572010-05-20T09:09:15.493-04:002010-05-20T09:09:15.493-04:00Wow, great imagery Matthew. Well done.Wow, great imagery Matthew. Well done.Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04313619484424363895noreply@blogger.com